Saturday, August 16, 2008

Learning the art

I've been in this internal struggle lately, and it has been over learning the art of graciousness. I choose the word "gracious" for several reasons...

The biggest theme I've had impressed upon me by Christ lately is that of my attitude and how I display it to the world--particularly via my tongue. The past several weeks, I've been trying very hard, but I daily see myself failing.
I know that I tend to make a big issue of the little things in life, and my lack of stress management causes me to "fly off the handle" about things I could have brushes aside or handled better. I do this a lot with Josh, and I even did it again last night! It's awful that you can look back on recent arguments, and all you can see if sheer stupidity.
There's some people in this world that I don't like, either just because our personalities clash, or because they've legitimately done something to hurt or offend me. I've tried very hard to be a gracious and loving person and find the good in everyone and to not speak ill of them or to groan when I find out they're going to be around. Being pleasant is not always easy.
I remember a girlfriend I knew in high school. She was seemingly perfect. Innocence and Christ-like beauty just radiated from her porcelain face. I don't remember her ever getting in trouble with her parents or complaining about them to her friends. I wish I could have done as much. I don't remember her ever gossiping, really, and she never spoke a word of malice to or about anyone. I do remember trials in her life where I'd seen her cry, but even then, her composure was always that of grace and peace, and maintaining a sense of joy about her. She never flirted with anyone, and was always respected with the highest regard because of it. Like I said, it seemed she was PERFECT in grace and in word.
I've always envied her and wished I was more like that, but I keep failing.

The book I'm almost finished with now, "Stepping Heavenward," is one that I can identify with closely. It seems that, although written in the 1800's, it was written for me. It's in journal style of a girl turning into a woman and records her entire life and her quest to be more like Christ and learn what it is to be a Christian. It seems that her chief trial is also being good to others, being gracious through unpleasant things, etc. I've been identifying with and learning with this fictional character as I read the book.

And lastly, there's this beautiful woman who comes into the bank. Her face is marred--I think she was burned, because her skin is a patchwork of slightly different colors of browns from the skin grafts that cover her entire face. I don't know her story, but every time she comes into the bank, we all ask, "How are you doing today, Gracious?" And without fail, her reply alway is, "About near perfect!" with a wide and genuine smile across her face. Miss Gracious, if only I could have a heart half as beautiful as yours....

1 comment:

srm said...

kelly just remember to not get too down on yourself about these things. that is where satan attacks us the most, by telling us we are not good enough, remember jesus forgives and is there to help us!