Sometimes, this is all just way too much. I am trying to conquer so many giants in my life. I feel like a minuscule version of David--without his sling, or like Joan of Arc without her sword.
I always vowed that my marriage would NOT revolve around money. Being in Sociology, I know the statistics. Money stress is the number one cause of divorce. It grays your hairs, blackens your heart. I realized tonight that my mind has been filled with budgets, credit card payments, how to be a frugal wife to save money, apartment renting, etc. I've felt so much pressure because I desperately need a full time job, and right now, I've had my doubts about acquiring one.
A couple years ago, I have this naive and ideal image in my head conjured up by fiction books and Hollywood movies. It was the romantic story of a young couple, poor as can be, probably artists or something, and they didn't know where the rent was coming from or how long the electric would stay on, but it didn't matter. They were happy, and it was as if financial issues could never touch them. They were the young, indie couple surviving on love. Maybe it's the whole "RENT" philosophy.
As much of a swooner as that story may be, it's not nearly as easy as you may think. I called Josh tonight, crying and freaking out. I told him that I was scared, because we've been preparing to be married in the worldly aspect SO much lately! Our time has been consumed with budget spreadsheets, apartment hunting, job searching, trying to figure out where the rest of our furniture needs will come from... And that's all good, responsible, and extremely necessary. But I felt scared because I felt like the relational aspect of our lives was suffering. We were preparing for married living, yes, but I felt like we stopped preparing to be a married couple! The development of the relationship, the most important part of a marriage, had stopped amongst growing dollar signs.
I expressed all of this to him, and he said, "You're right." So, he said that as soon as we can next week, we should have a "Josh and Kelly night." For one night, we get to lay aside all talk of wedding planning, me trying desperately to get my school projects done, finances, and moving into the apartment. Oh praise Jesus! When he said that, my tears were a mixture of relief and joy, but also still filled with stress and fear of the future. Such a mixture of emotions I can't fully explain. For the first time in quite a while, I will simply get to bask in the joy of having a soul mate. We will get to enjoy each other's company for who we are and the relationship we've built. As important as everything else is, for one evening, we get to TRULY build our home--our relationship. It makes me cry again out of utter happiness and appreciation for my man.
I know we'll make it.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
supper = fail
Josh and I set out to do some wedding things this evening at his apartment. I wanted to cook dinner for us just to make it a bit more special. I experimented again. It faaaaailed. lol
I bought some sushi rice and cooked it up. I also bought some tofu. I got this great idea of flavoring it with lime juice and ginger. The flavor was actually quite good, however.... I forgot and bought the wrong kind of tofu. I don't know why, but there's this one brand of tofu that no matter how I prepare it, it falls apart and feels too soft and even slimy. It doesn't keep a firm texture or hold. So, the flavoring concept was great, but the tofu...... bleck. But then, I was thinking about the lime. I thought, "What could I do to the rice to spice it up and go with the lime flavoring?" The correct answer was NOTHING. But what did I do? I searched the Internet for recipes that included ingredients similar to what I'd already used. Somehow, through a long time of recipe searches that got more and more abstract, I came up with the "brilliant" idea of vodka. Yes. VODKA. I thought I would put vodka in the rice to simulate vodka sauce. But without the tomatoes. Or the sauce. Uh-huh. Yeah.... it was SO BITTER. Never doing that again.
But I swear, I am getting the best husband EVER. Because get this: HE ATE IT! haha! He admitted to me that it wasn't very good, but he still ate it. He ate more than I could handle! And then.... my darling even ran out after dinner and brought us back some Dairy Queen. :-) I haven't had dairy queen in over a year, I believe. He was sweet enough to bring me some--even after my horrid dinner.
I bought some sushi rice and cooked it up. I also bought some tofu. I got this great idea of flavoring it with lime juice and ginger. The flavor was actually quite good, however.... I forgot and bought the wrong kind of tofu. I don't know why, but there's this one brand of tofu that no matter how I prepare it, it falls apart and feels too soft and even slimy. It doesn't keep a firm texture or hold. So, the flavoring concept was great, but the tofu...... bleck. But then, I was thinking about the lime. I thought, "What could I do to the rice to spice it up and go with the lime flavoring?" The correct answer was NOTHING. But what did I do? I searched the Internet for recipes that included ingredients similar to what I'd already used. Somehow, through a long time of recipe searches that got more and more abstract, I came up with the "brilliant" idea of vodka. Yes. VODKA. I thought I would put vodka in the rice to simulate vodka sauce. But without the tomatoes. Or the sauce. Uh-huh. Yeah.... it was SO BITTER. Never doing that again.
But I swear, I am getting the best husband EVER. Because get this: HE ATE IT! haha! He admitted to me that it wasn't very good, but he still ate it. He ate more than I could handle! And then.... my darling even ran out after dinner and brought us back some Dairy Queen. :-) I haven't had dairy queen in over a year, I believe. He was sweet enough to bring me some--even after my horrid dinner.
Monday, October 27, 2008
possible flu???
Well, there seems to have been a sickness coming around, and it has finally reached me. I thought my steady stream of vitamins, walking, and healthy food would make me invincible to the evil virus, but I was wrong.
This morning, I ate a delicious breakfast of oatmeal, some vanilla yogurt, and peanut butter. It didn't stay in my stomach. :-(
So, I've been sitting on the couch with the heat turned up abnormally high and a couple of blankets spread over me. I watched "The Importance of Being Earnest" in the morning after a failed attempt at going back to sleep. Recently, I discovered the amaaaaazing blog VeganDad, and I've been sifting through his food recipes to write down in my recipe book. I'm starting to build a collection! Maybe I won't be as stumped on what to cook for Josh and I after all!
I did manage to eat a small lunch. I cut a piece of bread in half to make a small sandwich. I made a grilled apple peanut butter sandwich. All you do is slice the apple thinly and lay it onto the bread and spread the PB onto the other slice and then I grilled it in my panini maker. It's actually reeeeally delicious, and then you just eat the leftover apple!
Hopefully I feel better this evening. Josh and I are supposed to have our first premarital counseling session, and I really don't want to cancel!
This morning, I ate a delicious breakfast of oatmeal, some vanilla yogurt, and peanut butter. It didn't stay in my stomach. :-(
So, I've been sitting on the couch with the heat turned up abnormally high and a couple of blankets spread over me. I watched "The Importance of Being Earnest" in the morning after a failed attempt at going back to sleep. Recently, I discovered the amaaaaazing blog VeganDad, and I've been sifting through his food recipes to write down in my recipe book. I'm starting to build a collection! Maybe I won't be as stumped on what to cook for Josh and I after all!
I did manage to eat a small lunch. I cut a piece of bread in half to make a small sandwich. I made a grilled apple peanut butter sandwich. All you do is slice the apple thinly and lay it onto the bread and spread the PB onto the other slice and then I grilled it in my panini maker. It's actually reeeeally delicious, and then you just eat the leftover apple!
Hopefully I feel better this evening. Josh and I are supposed to have our first premarital counseling session, and I really don't want to cancel!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Apple Lentil Stew
For the first time in awhile, I have an original recipe to share with you! Tonight I threw together something I'll just call Apple Lentil Stew. But FIRST! A poem! By Robert Frost.
October
O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost--
For the grapes' sake along the wall.
Josh and I were sitting on a bench swing by the river this afternoon as the wind was blowing and the leaves were swirling around us, and I read this poem to him while we were sitting there. I thought it was perfectly appropriate for today. And now... my recipe for Apple Lentil Stew. (I warn you, my spice measurements are approx., because I don't actually measure it!)
(makes 2 servings)
1/2 c. green lentils
enough water to make soupy lentils (maybe 3 cups???)
2 tbs olive oil
1/8th onion, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 apple, peeled and cut into cubes
a few shakes of garlic (1/8 t???)
1/4-1/2 t. curry powder
1/2 t. allspice
1/2 t. cinnamon
salt to taste
Bring water to a boil and add lentils and chopped carrot. Cover and let cook. Meanwhile, in a small pan, saute onion, garlic, curry, allspice, and cinnamon in the olive oil. When the lentils are about half way cooked, add the apple cubes. Then, add the onion and spices mixture to the lentils. Add salt to lentils according to taste. Lentils should still have some water in it--enough for a stew consistency. Pour into bowls and enjoy!
Mmmm.... the apples make a nice sweetness to the stew and pairs with the spices really well. This is a great main dish, and it's vegan!
For dessert, I had a bowl of vanilla yogurt with three sliced strawberries. (It could easily be made vegan through soy yogurt.)
My mother walked into the kitchen and said, "You remind me of a hippie--cooking all this natural food and wearing long flowy skirts like that." I smiled and laughed at her. I'm just trying to be comfortable and healthy!
Hmm... I'll let you guys decide:
(And because I get asked this all the time--yes, that is my natural eye color)
My "song of the day" -- You Don't Have to Move That Mountain by Nickel Creek
October
O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost--
For the grapes' sake along the wall.
Josh and I were sitting on a bench swing by the river this afternoon as the wind was blowing and the leaves were swirling around us, and I read this poem to him while we were sitting there. I thought it was perfectly appropriate for today. And now... my recipe for Apple Lentil Stew. (I warn you, my spice measurements are approx., because I don't actually measure it!)
(makes 2 servings)
1/2 c. green lentils
enough water to make soupy lentils (maybe 3 cups???)
2 tbs olive oil
1/8th onion, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 apple, peeled and cut into cubes
a few shakes of garlic (1/8 t???)
1/4-1/2 t. curry powder
1/2 t. allspice
1/2 t. cinnamon
salt to taste
Bring water to a boil and add lentils and chopped carrot. Cover and let cook. Meanwhile, in a small pan, saute onion, garlic, curry, allspice, and cinnamon in the olive oil. When the lentils are about half way cooked, add the apple cubes. Then, add the onion and spices mixture to the lentils. Add salt to lentils according to taste. Lentils should still have some water in it--enough for a stew consistency. Pour into bowls and enjoy!
Mmmm.... the apples make a nice sweetness to the stew and pairs with the spices really well. This is a great main dish, and it's vegan!
For dessert, I had a bowl of vanilla yogurt with three sliced strawberries. (It could easily be made vegan through soy yogurt.)
My mother walked into the kitchen and said, "You remind me of a hippie--cooking all this natural food and wearing long flowy skirts like that." I smiled and laughed at her. I'm just trying to be comfortable and healthy!
Hmm... I'll let you guys decide:
(And because I get asked this all the time--yes, that is my natural eye color)
My "song of the day" -- You Don't Have to Move That Mountain by Nickel Creek
Photos!!!!
So here's the pictures from Saturday's canning!
Mmmm.... a whole bushel of apples! And they were ALL peeled and cut by hand!
I've always liked the look of Ball and Mason jars. Such a homey and country feel...
A batch of apples ready to be cooked!
Can you see how tired my eyes are??? Canning is exhaustive!
This is my friend Anna--seeming very excited about her apple slice!
The jars are sealing!
HOORAY!
Mmmm.... a whole bushel of apples! And they were ALL peeled and cut by hand!
I've always liked the look of Ball and Mason jars. Such a homey and country feel...
A batch of apples ready to be cooked!
Can you see how tired my eyes are??? Canning is exhaustive!
This is my friend Anna--seeming very excited about her apple slice!
The jars are sealing!
HOORAY!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Canning and Cookies
I spent almost ALL day making and canning applesauce for Josh and I to have for the winter season. At 10 am, I went to Shelton's which is a local grocery store that sells produce and such from the local farms in our area. While I was there, a really nice older man showed me the apples they had available. He showed me their "utility grade" apples, which are basically apples that have blemishes on the skin or a small bruise, but are still good for eating or cooking. They're also half the cost of the "perfect" apples! So I bought a 1/2 bushel of Mcintosh and a 1/2 bushel of Crofton apples for 6.99 each.
I decided not to add any sugar or cinnamon to the apples, so I just cooked them in a large pot. I like more chunky applesauce, so I mashed them with a potato masher. I'd never canned anything before, but I'm proud to say that ever single jar sealed!!! It was such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment to make the applesauce and can it. I think that home cooking and canning is such a lost art in America today. My mom told me that hearing the popping sound of the lids was a comfort memory to her because her mother used to can goods all the time and they would listen for the pops. Some of the jars I used today were my grandmother's, which is also kind of a neat thing. :-)
(I love vintage advertisements! This reminds me of when I was a kid with my mom!)
It took me till 4 pm to finish everything! I was exhausted by the time I was done, and the kitchen was so hot from all the steam and boiling water! Anna came over in the afternoon and she helped me with some of the peeling and cutting, and my mom helped me out too. I was so grateful!
I'm really glad that I have a friend who likes to "be domestic" with me. :-) After dinner, Anna and I also made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, but we both agreed that what made them so good was adding cinnamon to it. The chocolate and cinnamon together reminded me of a cookie version of Mexican hot chocolate. (Mmmm.... one of the best winter treats!) They were quite addicting--I won't say how many I had!
We put the jars of applesauce in a box, and now they're just waiting for a pantry to be stored in! I hope Josh and I can get the apartment fairly soon. I'm thinking of also canning some butternut squash while it's still in season. It would be so convenient for making soup in the wintertime.
I'll post pictures of the canning process soon!
I decided not to add any sugar or cinnamon to the apples, so I just cooked them in a large pot. I like more chunky applesauce, so I mashed them with a potato masher. I'd never canned anything before, but I'm proud to say that ever single jar sealed!!! It was such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment to make the applesauce and can it. I think that home cooking and canning is such a lost art in America today. My mom told me that hearing the popping sound of the lids was a comfort memory to her because her mother used to can goods all the time and they would listen for the pops. Some of the jars I used today were my grandmother's, which is also kind of a neat thing. :-)
(I love vintage advertisements! This reminds me of when I was a kid with my mom!)
It took me till 4 pm to finish everything! I was exhausted by the time I was done, and the kitchen was so hot from all the steam and boiling water! Anna came over in the afternoon and she helped me with some of the peeling and cutting, and my mom helped me out too. I was so grateful!
I'm really glad that I have a friend who likes to "be domestic" with me. :-) After dinner, Anna and I also made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, but we both agreed that what made them so good was adding cinnamon to it. The chocolate and cinnamon together reminded me of a cookie version of Mexican hot chocolate. (Mmmm.... one of the best winter treats!) They were quite addicting--I won't say how many I had!
We put the jars of applesauce in a box, and now they're just waiting for a pantry to be stored in! I hope Josh and I can get the apartment fairly soon. I'm thinking of also canning some butternut squash while it's still in season. It would be so convenient for making soup in the wintertime.
I'll post pictures of the canning process soon!
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